CommunicationHow we show others what we want and need. Everybody communicates! is how we show others what we want and need.
All autistic people communicate.
We communicate in different ways than non-autistic people.
Some of us use words. Others don’t.
Some of us talk with our mouths.
Others are non-speakingPeople who don’t talk with their mouths..

Autistic people communicate in different ways.
If we use words, we might use them differently.
We might have a different sense of humor.
We might not like making small talk.

We understand things differently!
For example, we might not understand if someone is joking.
Or, we might understand pictures better than words.

Here are more ways autistic people communicate:

EcholaliaRepeating things that you have heard before, like a line in a tv show. means repeating things that you have heard before.
For example, you might repeat lines from your favorite movie out loud.

Non-autistic people also say things from movies, books, or TV shows.
But autistic people use echolalia a lot more.
Autistic people use echolalia to communicate.
We use it when making new sentences is hard.

There are different kinds of echolalia.
Some autistic people remember sentences that we hear.
Then, we use them later.
Here’s an example:

Bob’s sister doesn’t want to do the dishes.
She says “the dishwasher is broken.”
Later, Bob doesn’t want to do his homework.
He remembers what his sister said.
He says, “the dishwasher is broken.”

Bob is using echolalia.
He is saying that he doesn’t want to do something.
He isn’t actually talking about the dishwasher.
This can be hard for non-autistic people to understand.

Sometimes, we use echolalia in other ways.
We can learn how to put together parts of different sentences.
For example:

Bob wants to stay home. His mom wants to go out.
Bob’s mom says “get in the car.”
Bob remembers when his sister said “the dishwasher is broken.”
He puts the sentences together.
He says “the car is broken.”
He is saying that he wants to stay home.

Another kind of echolalia happens faster.
We might repeat things right after we hear them.
Sometimes, this can be a problem.
For example:

Juanita’s mom says, “Do you want juice or water?”
Juanita says “or water.”
But Juanita actually wanted juice.
She could only say the last thing she heard.
So she said “water” when she didn’t mean to.

Some autistic people also use echolalia to stimMoving in the same way over and over again. Everyone stims, but autistic people stim more than other people..
We like the way certain things sound.
So we say them over and over again.
Sometimes, we might not be able to stop saying something.
We might not want you to pay attention to us when this happens.
If you think this is happening, just ask us.

ScriptingWhen people plan ahead of time what they want to say. is when people plan ahead of time what they want to say.
For example, you might use a script to talk to your doctor.
Scripts might be things you heard before.
They can also be made up. Or both!

Almost everyone uses scripts sometimes.
Non-autistic people might script in small talk.
They might say the same thing every time, like “How are you?”
They might script to plan ahead for things like job interviews.
But autistic people script a lot more.
Our scripts can be more thought-out than non-autistic people’s scripts.

Autism also changes how we socialize.
SocializingHow we get along with other people. means how we get along with other people.
Part of socializing is making friends.
A big part of socializing is how other people feel about us.

Some people say that autism makes you bad at socializing.
These people are wrong!
Autism means that we socialize differently.
Socializing differently is okay.

Some people say the biggest part of autism is that we are bad at socializing.
This is because socializing is very important to non-autistic people.
When someone socializes differently, they notice right away.

But socializing is just one part of autism.
Other things, like how we think, feel, and move, are also important.

Here are some ways socializing can be different for autistic people.

People use the word empathy to mean a lot of different things.
Usually, empathy means caring how other people feel.

Some people say that autistic people don’t have empathy.
They are wrong!
We care how other people feel. We care a lot!

Some autistic people can’t stop caring.
We care even when we don’t want to.
We might feel really bad if we throw a toy away.
It can feel like we’re hurting the toy’s feelings.
If we see someone who is hurt or embarrassed, we might feel the same way.

Guessing how other people feel

Everyone shows how they feel differently.
No one can really know how someone else feels.
But we can guess.
Some people also call this “empathy.”

Guessing how others feel is a big part of how most people socializeHow we get along with other people..
You change how you act around someone when you guess how they feel.
If you guess that someone is sad, you might try to cheer them up.
If you guess they are angry, you might leave them alone.

No one is perfect at guessing.
But most non-autistic people are pretty good at it.
For most autistic people, it is very hard to guess how someone feels.
We might need people to tell us how they feel.

Non-autistic people are usually good at guessing feelings.
But they are usually bad at guessing how autistic people feel.
Autistic people might show our feelings in different ways.
We also think differently.
That’s why it can be harder for non-autistic people to guess our feelings.

There are a lot of rules for socializingHow we get along with other people.. For example:

• When you see someone, ask them how they’re doing.
• When someone asks you how you’re doing, say you’re doing well.
• Talk quietly indoors.
• Wear fancy clothes to fancy events.
• Only talk about things you like for a little bit.
• Don’t interrupt people.

Many of these rules are not written down or said out loud.
People just expect us to know them.
This can be really hard for autistic people.
How can we know a rule if no one tells us?

Non-autistic people don’t have to think about the rules.
They just know how to follow them.
But we have to think about the rules.
We have to figure out how to follow them.
We might not be able to follow them.
For example:

Sonya is in the library.
The rule is to be quiet in the library.
But Sonya can’t be quiet. Her mouth makes noises even when she wants to be quiet.
Sonya cares about the rule. She thinks about the rule a lot.
But she can’t follow the rule.

The rules also change sometimes.
It depends on where you are and what’s happening.
It is hard for autistic people to know when the rules change.
For example:

Jane is autistic. She feels sick, so she goes to the doctor.
The doctor asks “How are you?”
Jane says “I feel sick. My head hurts and my nose is runny.”
It is good that Jane says this to the doctor!
This helps the doctor know what to do.

After going to the doctor, Jane goes to a restaurant.
The waiter says “How are you?”
Jane says “I feel sick. My head hurts and my nose is runny.”
The waiter does not want to know how Jane is actually feeling. The waiter is just being polite.
Jane could have just said “I am good.”

A lot of autistic people spend a lot of time trying to figure out the rules.
We might come up with our own ways to understand the rules.
We might come up with our own rules.
This is a lot of work.

Autistic people are good at thinking for ourselves.

Lots of people have to deal with peer pressureWhen people around you tell you to do something. You might do that thing even if you don’t want to..
Peer pressure is when people around you tell you to do something.
You might do that thing even if you don’t want to.
You do it because you want people to like you.
For example, you might watch a movie you hate because your friends want to see it.

Non-autistic people have a hard time saying no to peer pressure.
They get very upset if they think people will not like them.
Autistic people can also have a hard time with peer pressure.
But it is easier for us to think for ourselves.
We might not feel peer pressure as much.

Because we think for ourselves, we sometimes ignore rules.
For example, if we are at a party that is too loud, we might leave.
We might leave even though we know the normal rule is to stay.

Non-autistic people usually agree with each other about what is important.
Autistic people might not see things the same way.
For example:

James is autistic. He has a friend named Anne.
Anne says a racoon got into her house and messed up her room.
Anne’s other friends focus on helping Anne clean up her room.
James agrees that Anne needs help cleaning up her room.
But he thinks it’s important to make sure the racoon is okay first.
Anne’s other friends don’t agree with James.
James isn’t doing anything wrong, and neither are Anne’s friends.
They just have different ideas.

Many autistic people don’t make eye contact.
Making eye contact can hurt us or make it hard to pay attention.
It can be hard to listen to what someone says and look at their eyes at the same time.
So we don’t look at their eyes.

Non-autistic people can tell someone’s feelings by looking at their eyes.
They also use eye contact to share their own feelings.
This is why eye contact is so important to them.

Autistic people have different ways of sharing our feelings.
We usually don’t use eye contact to do that.
For example, we might just say how we are feeling.

Sometimes, some autistic people seem to make eye contact.
We might learn how to pretend to make eye contact.
For example, we can look at someone’s nose instead of their eyes.
Or we might look in someone’s eyes even though we don’t like to.
Some autistic people don’t mind making eye contact, but most of us do.

Eye contact is one kind of nonverbal communicationCommunication that doesn’t use language. Body language and eye contact are examples of nonverbal communication..
Nonverbal communication is communicationHow we show others what we want and need. Everybody communicates! that doesn’t use language.
Some kinds of nonverbal communication are:

– Body language
– Facial expressions
– Tone of voice

People use nonverbal communication all the time.
You cannot stop yourself from using it.
Any time someone can see you, they can see your nonverbal communication.

Non-autistic people know how to figure out what nonverbal communication usually means.
They don’t have to think about it very much.
For example:

When someone has their arms crossed, they know that person is angry.
When someone is tapping their foot, they know the person is impatient.
When someone smiles in a certain way, they know the person is happy.

But autistic people can have different nonverbal communication than non-autistic people.
We might cross our arms because we need to feel pressure.
We might tap our feet because we are stimmingMoving in the same way over and over again. Everyone stims, but autistic people stim more than other people..
This can confuse non-autistic people.

Nonverbal communication isn’t just about what you do.
It’s also about what other people think.
People can guess how someone feels from their nonverbal communication.
But people can make mistakes when they guess.

It can be extra hard for autistic people to guess.
It can be hard for us to understand nonverbal communication.
For example:

Bob is autistic. Bob sees his friend Sally smiling.
Bob thinks that Sally is happy because she is smiling.
But Sally is actually angry. Sometimes people smile when they’re angry.
Bob doesn’t understand that Sally is angry.
So Bob tries to talk to Sally about happy things.
This just makes Sally more angry.

Nonverbal communication has a lot of pieces.
You have to use your voice, face and body to communicate to someone.
That person is also communicating back to you with their voice, face and body.
You also have to figure out what they are communicating.
All of this happens at the same time.
It can be hard to deal with it all at once.

Autistic people might try to communicate with just our words instead.
We make sure people can understand what we say.
We make sure that we understand what other people say.
This works if the people we talk to can also just focus on words.
But non-autistic people have a hard time doing that.

Autistic people socializeHow we get along with other people. differently than non-autistic people.
We might like to text instead of talking on the phone.
We might not like being around big groups of people.
We might not like conversations that have confusing rules.

Other parts of autism also affect how we socialize.
We may have trouble with loud noises. So we might not go to parties that are very loud.
Moving can be hard. So we might not be able to go up to someone and start talking.

There are a lot of reasons why autistic people socialize differently.
We should be able to do what works for us.