Autistic people learn, think, feel, and grow, just like all people do. Sometimes, other people forget that we are people. This happens a lot to non-speakingPeople who don’t talk with their mouths. people and people with intellectual disabilitiesDisabilities that affect how you learn and think. People with intellectual disabilities might learn more slowly.. Other people say that we can’t learn, think, feel, or grow. This is wrong!

An ally remembers that we are people. An ally knows that we have thoughts, that we are listening, and that we can learn. An ally works hard to communicate with us. They help us find ways to show what we think and learn, and how we feel.

Believing in us means making sure we get to make choices. It means giving us lots of chances to do different things. It means treating us the way other people our age are treated. It means letting us do things in the way that works best for us.

Believing in us also means giving us the support we need. All of us have things we need help with. AlliesNon-autistic people who want to help autistic people. All sorts of people can be allies. believe we can live good lives with the right help, and they help us get the support we need to live good lives.

Believing us means taking us seriously when we ask for help. Sometimes, it might not look like we need help, but we still do. For example:

Chauncey is autistic. He is in middle school. He falls on some stairs and hurts his leg. He goes to the school nurse and says “My leg hurts.” Chauncey isn’t frowning or crying, so the nurse says to Chauncey, “You don’t look like you’re in pain.” The nurse doesn’t help Chauncey, but later, his parents figure out that Chauncey broke his leg. The nurse should have believed Chauncey

Every day, we assume things about other people. We look at how other people act, and then we judge them. For example, someone might not make eye contact, so we assume they are lying. Someone might be frowning, so we assume they are upset. Someone might put their head on the table, so we assume they are tired. Someone might face away from us when we are talking, so we assume they aren’t listening.

But people do things for lots of different reasons. If someone doesn’t make eye contact, they might not like eye contact, or they could be blind. If someone is frowning, that might just be how their face looks, or they might be happy, but not be able to smile. If someone puts their head on the table, they might be dizzy, or they might not have strong neck muscles. If someone faces away from us when we are talking, they might be shy, or they might focus better if they aren’t looking at you.

Non-autistic people assume things about us from how we act, and that’s a big problem! Autistic people experience the world differently than other people, and that means we might act differently than others. Or, we might do the same thing as other people, but for different reasons.

Everyone has reasons for doing what they do, so don’t assume all those reasons are the same for everyone. You might not trust someone because they don’t make eye contact. You might get mad at someone for frowning when they should be happy. These things happen to autistic people all the time. They don’t happen because people are trying to be mean to us, but they happen because people assume things about us.

An allyNon-autistic people who want to help autistic people. All sorts of people can be allies. tries not to assume things. Try to notice when you assume things about people. If you see someone talking to themselves, what do you think? If you see someone stimmingMoving in the same way over and over again. Everyone stims, but autistic people stim more than other people., what do you think? If you see someone having a meltdown, what do you think? This can help you assume things less.

There’s only one way to know why someone acts how they do, and that way is to ask them! Ask us if you aren’t sure why we do certain things.

The way we talk about autism matters, and using different words changes how other people treat us. An allyNon-autistic people who want to help autistic people. All sorts of people can be allies. is careful to talk about autism respectfully. They pay attention to their words.

Talking about autism respectfully isn’t just about using the right words, but there are still some words that are important to say or not say. There are also some ideas that help us and some that hurt us. Here are some tips for how to talk about autism respectfully.

Ask autistic people how we want you to talk about us. Ask us if we want to be called “autistic” or “someone with autism.”

Don’t use pictures of puzzle pieces to mean autism. Some people think that autism is a big mystery, and see autistic people as puzzles that need to be solved. So, they started using puzzle pieces to mean autism.

Someone did a study about autism and puzzle pieces. They talked to people about autism, then showed people puzzle pieces to mean autism. Then they asked people what they thought about autism, and found out the puzzle pieces made people think autism is bad. Autistic people don’t like it when people use puzzle pieces to mean autism because we are people, not puzzles.

Sometimes, people will say that someone is “low-functioning”, “high-functioning”, has “severe autism”, or “mild autism”. These words aren’t helpful, and you shouldn’t do this. We talk more about why you shouldn’t say these words in Chapter 1. Instead, just say what you mean. If you mean that someone is non-speakingPeople who don’t talk with their mouths., say that. If you mean that someone has an intellectual disability, say that. If you mean that someone has certain support needsThe things autistic people need help with., say that.

Never say that anyone is “retarded” or a “retard.” This word gets used to hurt people with intellectual disabilitiesDisabilities that affect how you learn and think. People with intellectual disabilities might learn more slowly., and you should never say this word to anyone.

Some people say that “everyone’s a little bit autistic.” because some things that autistic people do are things that everyone does. For example, everyone stims, but stimmingMoving in the same way over and over again. Everyone stims, but autistic people stim more than other people. is more important for autistic people. Saying “everyone’s a little bit autistic” can hurt us because people use it to say autism isn’t really a disability. That means people might not help us get what we need. It’s okay to talk about things that everyone does, but don’t say “everyone’s a little bit autistic”.

An ally makes sure their words don’t make autism seem bad or sad, and their words don’t make autistic people seem broken or scary. That’s already what a lot of people think about autism, and an ally’s job is to change how other people think about autism.

An ally always remembers that autistic people can hear them. When you say bad things about autism, it hurts us. An ally talks about autism like there is an autistic person standing right behind them.

Autistic people work in every job you can think of. We are scientists, researchers, writers, artists, and dancers. Wherever you go, there are autistic people, and no matter what job you do, autistic people do that job, too.

Remember the motto “Nothing about us, without us!” If an allyNon-autistic people who want to help autistic people. All sorts of people can be allies. works on projects about autism, they make sure they work with autistic people on these projects. Autistic people should always be a part of projects about autism. It does not matter what kind of project it is, since autistic people will always have important ideas to add.

It’s not enough to just have us there when you do your project. You need to listen to us, make sure we understand what you are doing, and give us time to share our thoughts. You need to take our thoughts seriously, and change parts of your project that might hurt us.

An ally works with autistic people at every step of the project. An ally asks autistic people to help plan the project, and gives us chances to share ideas while the project happens. Don’t wait until your project is finished to ask us what we think. It’s too late to change anything if you wait until the end, so you wouldn’t really be listening to us.

Here is an example of a good project:

Camila is writing a book. Her book has an autistic person in it. Camila talks to autistic people about her book, and lets autistic people read the book before anyone else. Autistic people tell her that parts of the book make autism seem like a bad thing. Camila changes those parts of the book, and pays the autistic people for helping her.

Here is an example of a bad project:

Mario is autistic, and he is a well-known self-advocate in his town. Isaac is non-autistic, and he is planning an autism conferenceWhen people from many different places get together. They all talk about a specific thing, like autism.. He gets a group of people to help him plan the conference, but all of the people are non-autistic, except for Mario. Mario tries to make sure the conference is good for autistic people, but Isaac doesn’t listen to Mario.

The conference ends up being bad for autistic people, but Isaac thinks the conference was fine. When some autistic people try to tell Isaac that it was bad, Isaac says, “Mario helped plan the conference. It isn’t my fault you didn’t like it!”

Everyone makes mistakes. As an ally, you will make mistakes, and you might hurt autistic people by accident. Your advocacy might not work.

Sometimes, autistic people will tell you about mistakes you made, or you might find out on your own. Making mistakes is a normal part of being an ally. It is important to know when you made a mistake so you can make it better. You can figure out how to fix your mistakes, and keep trying to be a good ally.

Some mistakes will be easy to fix. For example, if you use a word that hurts us, it is easy to stop using that word. Some mistakes will be harder to fix. For example:

You might have a job that hurts autistic people. The job might try and make us look less autistic, which makes it harder for us to be ourselves. You might need to change your job.

Being an ally sometimes means doing hard things. Autistic people understand that, since we have to do hard things all the time. It is hard to live in a societyA big group of communities. A society usually has rules and people in charge. that hurts us, so it is important that our alliesNon-autistic people who want to help autistic people. All sorts of people can be allies. work hard to change that.

Families can be strong alliesNon-autistic people who want to help autistic people. All sorts of people can be allies. for their autistic family members. Many years ago, parents of disabled kids started getting together. They worked to close institutions, and fought for their kids to get support in the community. Parents are still fighting today for the rights of their kids. You can be a part of that fight, too!

Families can make a big difference for their family members. You can support your autistic family member to have a good life, and help fight for our rights. You can make sure your family is a safe place for us, and help other families be allies, too.

There is some information and tools just for you at the end of this chapter.

• Don’t Mourn for Us – by Jim Sinclair – http://www.autreat.com/dont_mourn.html
• Checklist of Neurotypical Privilege – by Bev Harp – http://aspergersquare8.blogspot.com/2009/08/checklist-of-neurotypical-privilege-new.html
• Autistikids – http://www.autistikids.com/
• In the Loop About NeurodiversityThe idea that humans have all kinds of brains. There is no such thing as a “normal” brain. – https://intheloopaboutneurodiversity.wordpress.com/
• Learn From Autistics – https://www.learnfromautistics.com/
• Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism – http://www.thinkingautismguide.com/
• Think Inclusive – https://www.thinkinclusive.us/
• Parenting Autistic Children with Love & Acceptance – https://autloveaccept.wordpress.com/

AACUsing something other than talking to communicate. means using something other than talking to communicate. Sometimes, AAC adds onto talking, and other times, people use AAC instead of talking. Both speaking and non-speakingPeople who don’t talk with their mouths. autistic people use AAC. Some people use AAC all of the time, and others only use it sometimes.

There are lots of different kinds of AAC, like:

• Typing on a computer.
• Pushing buttons on an iPad.
• Pointing to letters or pictures on a board.
• Using sign language.

Just because we can’t talk, doesn’t mean we can’t communicate. Autistic people communicate in all sorts of ways! No matter how we communicate, we should be listened to. Talking isn’t better than other kinds of communicationHow we show others what we want and need. Everybody communicates!.