Chapter 2

StimmingMoving in the same way over and over again. Everyone stims, but autistic people stim more than other people. is moving in the same way over and over again. People stim for all sorts of reasons. We stim to help balance out our senses, show how we feel, or focus on things. Stimming can help us feel better, and it’s also a great way to have fun.

There are a lot of ways to stim, and here are a few examples:

• Rocking back and forth
• Flapping your hands
• Rubbing soft things on your face or body
• Humming, grunting, mumbling, moaning, or singing
• Spinning things or holding objects in front of your eyes

Almost anything can be a stim! People stim in different ways. One person might like rocking back and forth, while another person might like spinning around instead.

Non-autistic people stim too! For example, clicking a pen or tapping your foot is stimming. Everyone stims, but autistic people stim more than other people. Sometimes, we choose to stim because it helps us, and other times, we can’t control how or when we stim.

Sometimes non-autistic people say that stims are too distracting. They say that if you stim, you shouldn’t get to be around other people. These people are wrong! We should get to do the same things as other people. It doesn’t matter what our body is doing.

Autistic people with all kinds of jobs stim. Autistic people stim at home, at school, on the street, and in movie theaters. Autistic people have stimmed in the White House! No one should ever force you to stop stimming.

Autistic people have different motor skillsHow people control the way their body moves. than non-autistic people. Motor skills are how people control the way their body moves. Your body moves in big and small ways. Some big ways are running or swimming, and some small ways are writing or tying your shoes. Motor skills are also a part of talking, since moving your mouth to make sounds is a motor skill.

Not every autistic person has big differences in motor skills. Many autistic people have small motor differences, and we might not realize we have them! Motor differences can make someone have messy handwriting, be clumsy, or walk differently than other people.

Autistic people can have different kinds of motor problems, like:

• Planning how you are going to move
• Having trouble starting or stopping when you move
• Bumping into things, tripping, or dropping things

Here’s an example:

Alexis is autistic. She is sitting on the couch, and wants to get up and eat cereal. There are many things that might be hard for her. First, she has to stand up, then she has to walk to the kitchen. After that, she has to get the cereal, a bowl, and a spoon, and pour the cereal into the bowl.

Alexis has to think about all the steps before she can do them. She has trouble remembering what the steps are, and may not know what order they go in. She may have a hard time getting up from the couch. Once she starts moving, she may have a hard time stopping at the kitchen. She may drop the cereal or the bowl when she tries to get them.

There are lots of people like Alexis. Maybe you also have trouble with these things.

Many autistic people have motor differences that change how we talk. We use our muscles to talk, but our muscles don’t always work the way we want them to. This can make talking hard.
We have to figure out what we want to say, and how to make sounds with our mouth. We might not always know how, and even if we do, we might not be able to.

Some of us might hear differently, which can make it hard to figure out the right sounds to use. Figuring out the words we want can be hard, too. We might need to plan out what we want to say, and it can take us a while. People aren’t always patient with us, and we might not be able to find the words we want at all!

Starting or stopping talking can be hard, since our muscles might not work when we need them to. We can’t always talk when we want to, and we can’t always stop talking when we want to.

All of this can change how autistic people talk. For example, many autistic people can’t control our voices. We may talk too loud or too soft, or mumble or sound like we’re singing when we talk.

Some people can’t talk some or all of the time. Sometimes, this is because motor skillsHow people control the way their body moves. make it hard, but there might be other reasons. Lots of people don’t think in words, or we might have anxiety that makes talking hard. There are all sorts of reasons.

People who don’t talk are non-speakingPeople who don’t talk with their mouths.. Here are a few examples of what a non-speaking person might look like:

• A person who has not talked at all in their whole life
• A person who talked as a kid but can’t anymore
• A person who can talk sometimes, but writes words instead of talking

These are only some examples of what being non-speaking might look like! Some people are non-speaking as kids, but learn to talk later in life. Some people talk sometimes and not other times.

We don’t know exactly how many autistic people are non-speaking. Right now, we think that about 1 out of 3 autistic people are non-speaking.

CommunicationHow we show others what we want and need. Everybody communicates! is how we show others what we want and need. All autistic people communicate, but we communicate in different ways than non-autistic people. Some of us use words, while others don’t. Some of us talk with our mouths, while others are non-speakingPeople who don’t talk with their mouths..

Autistic people communicate in different ways. If we use words, we might use them differently. We might have a different sense of humor, or we might not like making small talk.

We understand things differently! For example, we might not understand if someone is joking, or we might understand pictures better than words.

Here are more ways autistic people communicate:

EcholaliaRepeating things that you have heard before, like a line in a tv show. means repeating things that you have heard before. For example, you might repeat lines from your favorite movie out loud.

Non-autistic people also say things from movies, books, or TV shows, but autistic people use echolalia a lot more. Autistic people use echolalia to communicate, and we use it when making new sentences is hard.

There are different kinds of echolalia. Some autistic people remember sentences that we hear, then we use them later. Here’s an example:
Bob’s sister doesn’t want to do the dishes, so she says “the dishwasher is broken.” Later, Bob doesn’t want to do his homework. He remembers what his sister said, so he says, “the dishwasher is broken.” Bob is using echolalia. He is saying that he doesn’t want to do something, but he isn’t actually talking about the dishwasher. This can be hard for non-autistic people to understand.

Sometimes, we use echolalia in other ways. We can learn how to put together parts of different sentences. For example:
Bob wants to stay home, but his mom wants to go out. Bob’s mom says “get in the car.” Bob remembers when his sister said “the dishwasher is broken.”, so he puts the sentences together. He says “the car is broken.” He is saying that he wants to stay home.

Another kind of echolalia happens faster. We might repeat things right after we hear them.
Sometimes, this can be a problem. For example:
Juanita’s mom says, “Do you want juice or water?” Juanita says “or water.”, but Juanita actually wanted juice. She could only say the last thing she heard, so she said “water” when she didn’t mean to.

Some autistic people also use echolalia to stimMoving in the same way over and over again. Everyone stims, but autistic people stim more than other people.. We like the way certain things sound, so we say them over and over again. Sometimes, we might not be able to stop saying something. We might not want you to pay attention to us when this happens. If you think this is happening, just ask us.

ScriptingWhen people plan ahead of time what they want to say. is when people plan ahead of time what they want to say. For example, you might use a script to talk to your doctor. Scripts might be things you heard before, things you made up, or a combination of both.

Almost everyone uses scripts sometimes. Non-autistic people might script in small talk. They might say the same thing every time, like “How are you?”, or they might script to plan ahead for things like job interviews. But autistic people script a lot more, and our scripts can be more thought-out than non-autistic people’s scripts.

AACUsing something other than talking to communicate. means using something other than talking to communicate. Sometimes, AAC adds onto talking, and other times, people use AAC instead of talking. Both speaking and non-speakingPeople who don’t talk with their mouths. autistic people use AAC. Some people use AAC all of the time, and others only use it sometimes.

There are lots of different kinds of AAC, like:

• Typing on a computer.
• Pushing buttons on an iPad.
• Pointing to letters or pictures on a board.
• Using sign language.

Just because we can’t talk, doesn’t mean we can’t communicate. Autistic people communicate in all sorts of ways! No matter how we communicate, we should be listened to. Talking isn’t better than other kinds of communicationHow we show others what we want and need. Everybody communicates!.

Autism also changes how we socialize. SocializingHow we get along with other people. means how we get along with other people.
Part of socializing is making friends. A big part of socializing is how other people feel about us.

Some people say that autism makes you bad at socializing, but these people are wrong! Autism means that we socialize differently, and socializing differently is okay.

Some people say the biggest part of autism is that we are bad at socializing. This is because socializing is very important to non-autistic people. When someone socializes differently, they notice right away. But socializing is just one part of autism. Other things, like how we think, feel, and move, are also important.

Here are some ways socializing can be different for autistic people.

People use the word empathy to mean a lot of different things. Usually, empathy means caring how other people feel.

Some people say that autistic people don’t have empathy, but they are wrong! We care a lot about how other people feel. Some autistic people can’t stop caring, even when we don’t want to.
We might feel really bad if we throw a toy away, since it can feel like we’re hurting the toy’s feelings. If we see someone who is hurt or embarrassed, we might feel the same way.

Guessing how other people feel

Everyone shows how they feel differently. No one can really know how someone else feels, but we can guess. Some people also call this “empathy.”

Guessing how others feel is a big part of how most people socializeHow we get along with other people.. You change how you act around someone when you guess how they feel. If you guess that someone is sad, you might try to cheer them up. If you guess they are angry, you might leave them alone.

No one is perfect at guessing, but most non-autistic people are pretty good at it. For most autistic people, it is very hard to guess how someone feels. We might need people to tell us how they feel. Non-autistic people are usually good at guessing feelings, but they are usually bad at guessing how autistic people feel. Autistic people might show our feelings in different ways, and we also think differently. That’s why it can be harder for non-autistic people to guess our feelings.

There are a lot of rules for socializingHow we get along with other people.. For example:

• When you see someone, ask them how they’re doing.
• When someone asks you how you’re doing, say you’re doing well.
• Talk quietly indoors.
• Wear fancy clothes to fancy events.
• Only talk about things you like for a little bit.
• Don’t interrupt people.

Many of these rules are not written down or said out loud. People just expect us to know them. This can be really hard for autistic people. How can we know a rule if no one tells us?

Non-autistic people don’t have to think about the rules, since they just know how to follow them. But we have to think about the rules and how to follow them. We might not be able to follow them.

For example:

Sonya is in the library, and the rule is to be quiet in the library. But Sonya can’t be quiet, since her mouth makes noises even when she wants to be quiet. Sonya cares about the rule, and thinks about the rule a lot. But she can’t follow the rule.

The rules also change sometimes. It depends on where you are and what’s happening. It is hard for autistic people to know when the rules change.

For example:

Jane is autistic. She feels sick, so she goes to the doctor. The doctor asks “How are you?” Jane says “I feel sick. My head hurts and my nose is runny.” It is good that Jane says this to the doctor, because this helps the doctor know what to do.

After going to the doctor, Jane goes to a restaurant. The waiter says “How are you?” Jane says “I feel sick. My head hurts and my nose is runny.” The waiter is just being polite, and does not want to know how Jane is actually feeling. Jane could have just said “I am good.”

A lot of autistic people spend a lot of time trying to figure out the rules. We might come up with our own ways to understand the rules, or come up with our own rules. This is a lot of work.